I Read A Book About Being A Badass & This Is What Happened

photo from the last time we were at The Carlyle

I read a new book and had a breakthrough.

I had seen this book at airports, but I was always too busy with work or in the middle of another tech or marketing book (I mostly only read business books—working on that!). I came close to reading it six years ago.

Jason and I were at our favorite airport spot at SFO, Vino Volo (they have the good charcuterie boards). The woman beside me was holding this bright yellow book that claimed, “YOU are a BADASS: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life.”

I thought it sounded interesting, and even though I use the word “awesome” liberally, I questioned if the book was too “woo-woo” for me. I asked my new airport friend if the book was worth reading. “Yes,” she nodded with her pinot. But for some reason, I still didn’t dive in.

I don’t know why or why now, but this time when I saw the book in our Airbnb, it jumped off the shelf at me.

At the beginning of the book, there’s a section about cleaning up the residue of generational trauma and messages that your subconscious mind carries (whoa). The author asks you to consider what limiting beliefs you’ve been holding on to. Beliefs that don’t align with what your conscious mind believes.

I paused… What are my limiting beliefs? It flashed through me so fast I couldn’t ignore it. My limiting belief was that I was not allowed to be happy if other people in my life were not happy.

I swam through my internal monologue—it happened in this sequence…

• I wasn’t allowed to be happy if other people were not happy—let’s call them Riley.

• But maybe Riley was not ever going to be happy.

• It’s not my job to make Riley happy.

• It’s not my job to make anyone happy.

• It’s not my role in life to make other people happy.

• I deserve to be happy independently.

• I deserve to be happy.

• I am worthy of happiness just as I am.

Intellectually, I already understood some of this, but this time it clicked for me in a more personal way. And detaching from anything toxic has been part of my overall healing.

The author, Jen Sincero, says, “Our conscious mind thinks its in control, but it isn't. Our subconscious mind doesn't think anything, but it is in control.”

Since I put these pieces together, I’ve been making an effort to create more positive thought patterns (in therapy, this is called “re-patterning”), and one of my favorite tools for this is the Hay House subliminal meditations. All your conscious mind hears is music, while your subconscious mind hears the positive subliminal messages.

In other words, “Bye, Riley.”

Gwyneth and I “wish you well.”